Build Connection While Keeping Your Boundaries
At some point we’ve all bought into the lie that we can do it all, but our energy is limited. In this episode, I’m talking with author Nicole Unice about how we can set boundaries that help us use our resources in the most effective way and that build connection with others. She also offers practical tips for how to express boundaries in a way that honors both you and the person you’re speaking to.
Key points from our conversation on how to build connection while keeping your boundaries:
Keeping healthy boundaries means knowing your resources and how to deploy them effectively for the life you want to live.
Boundaries protect our resources so we can use them for God’s purpose in our life. Your energy – what you bring to the world – is your greatest asset. So, understanding how your energy works are essential to be a free and full person.
Boundaries are hard for people-pleasers, but over the long term it shows you’re a person of integrity because you’re being honest about your needs. It’s freeing and allows you to be fully present for the things you commit to.
We all have limits; you can please everyone. “It’s not about if you’re disappointing someone, it’s who you’re disappointing.” Real freedom comes when you don’t respond/react according to how the other person responds/reacts.
If you find yourself declining the same person but value their relationship, be proactive about offering them time in the pockets that you can.
When you’re verbalizing a boundary, take one step toward the person and affirm them, confirm you value them, tell them it’s not something you’re ready to talk about, confirm them again, then ask another question quickly to redirect the conversation.
Practice saying no about less consequential things and relationships before confronting a loved one. Also, get the opinions of healthy people before expressing a boundary. It’s easy to misread subtext.
When you confront, express the importance of understanding and enter with humility instead of defensiveness.
Learn how to apologize well. You can return to the why of how you responded later, but it doesn’t excuse a bad response.
Follow Nicole Unice and Jessica Hottle
Nicole brings 20 years of leadership and counseling experience to her work as a coach and communicator. Nicole’s passion is facilitating environments of safety and vulnerability so that individuals and communities can courageously identify obstacles keeping them from maximum potential. In her books and videos, Nicole is passionate about making transformation attainable and accessible to people in all stages of life. As a coach, Nicole brings clarity and courage for individuals and teams as they pursue a preferred future. As a speaker, Nicole brings both wit and wisdom to the platform, with an honest and vulnerable approach that appeals to both faith and leadership environments alike. Her latest book, “The Miracle Moment: How Tough Conversations Can Actually Transform Your Most Important Relationships” invites readers into the practical steps to creating miracle moments within all of their relationships.
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